Treadmill

Do you ever feel like you’re on a treadmill set just a little too fast?

Do you feel like your days are spoken for by endless tasks, roles in family and work, too many expectations, and the pressure to “keep up” in a society that never seems to slow down?

If so, you’re not alone. It’s a daunting situation we all face.

If only there were an emergency shut-off button in life, like on treadmills.

I have something even better than the emergency shut-off button to share with you. I have the solution to keep you from feeling like you need to reach for that button in the first place.

Working with hundreds of women over the years, I’ve noticed they think they don’t have “enough time,” but usually, they are trying to plan too much in their time that’s impossible to complete in the hours they have!

They are trying to stuff a size ten “schedule” into a size two space.

To help you fit everything in with the time you have, you MUST KNOW THE DIFFERENCE between your S.O.F.T and T.R.U.E priorities.

When you make something a priority for S.O.F.T. reasons, you are stuffing the “wrong things” into the limited time you have.

S.O.F.T. priorities are based from

  • SHOULDS – thinking you should do certain things because that is what “good” women, mothers, and entrepreneurs “should” do)
  • OTHER’S PERCEPTIONS – you do things you don’t want to do because you want to control how others think about you). You say yes so they WILL think “really amazing things” about you. Or, you don’t want them to believe you are incapable so you say yes… stuffing extra things into your already full schedule.
  • FEARS – adding things to your schedule because you’re afraid of what could happen in the future if you don’t do something. If you don’t work out you’ll get a terrible disease. If you say no, people won’t invite you again. Fear that if you slow down or don’t work 24/7, things will fall apart.
  • THEY OR THEM – doing things so you don’t let “them” down or because “they” will be upset if you say no.
If you’re adding tasks to your to-do list for S.O.F.T reasons, you will ALWAYS be over scheduled and trying to stuff too much into a tiny window.

This one simple thing will help you stop feeling aimless and confused!

These feelings can arise from external circumstances, but they hit harder when we let those external circumstances make us feel directionless in our current life, daily actions, decisions, and business.

I see you, and I totally understand! Even straightforward, simple daily tasks and decisions can seem like monumental challenges when we feel this way.

I’ve worked myself and my clients through this doubt, uncertainty, and confusion by doing this one simple thing.

SET A GOAL!

– Stick with me! –

Big or small, just knowing a goal is there provides clarity, hope, and direction…

and you want to know why?

Every time we take action, even a tiny one, toward our goal, our brain rewards us by releasing dopamine – nature’s way of saying, “Well done! You did it! Keep going!”

When our brain releases that dopamine, it’s hard to feel confused, aimless, and full of doubt.

DOPAMINE IS SERIOUSLY SO COOL!

It’s our very own motivational speaker cheering us on and offering a feel-good boost every time we progress. It’s the reason why every check on a checklist feels so satisfying and why reaching milestones, no matter how small, makes our hearts swell with pride.

As you think about setting just one goal to support you in finding your aim, consider taking these simple steps.

  • Reflect: What is one thing you could do that will help set you up in the right direction? You might not know what that direction is fully (’tis life), but there’s always something you can do to take action towards finding out.

    For example: Wanting a new job/passion/hobby, but wondering what in? Consider setting a goal to apply for x amount of jobs weekly or try X new hobbies/crafts, and as you take that action, you will understand what options are out there that you DON’T want and what’s out there that you might enjoy.
  • Write down your goal and place it somewhere you can easily access it. Sticky note, reminders app, lock screen, or set an alarm on your phone. It doesn’t matter how, but find a simple way to remind yourself of the goals you’re going after.
  • Decide what actions you will do daily/weekly to make progress toward your dopamine-producing goal, and then set a time (commit) to take those actions daily. If you can’t say at 8 am every day I will then say before I go to bed, I will have… or before the children come home from school I will…. or after I brush my teeth I will X (state the action).

Celebrate the little achievements along the way. Check off the boxes, tell a friend (tell me I want to know), text your kids, give yourself a wink in the mirror, whatever it is, when you complete the step, even a simple one, mentally check it off and ENJOY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO INCREASE THAT DOPAMINE!

Focus on the Solution to Solve Your Problems!

When we focus on the problems, we often create EVEN MORE PROBLEMS and WASTE TIME!!

The next time you face a problem, notice how it’s making you feel.

DO YOU FEEL

☠️ Defeated

😡 Angry

😠 Frustrated

😱 Upset

🥹 Hopeless

THEN, STOP AND ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION.

What’s one thing I can do right now to help me feel less (state how you’re feeling)?

Now, go do that one thing.

Focusing on the solution will help you solve the problem quicker than focusing on the problem!

Four Ways to Own Your Goals Like A Boss!

As a special education teacher, I learned some
goal-setting secrets that will improve your results instantly!

NUMBER ONE: Make your goals super specific!

None of that vague stuff like create more post, get a new client, or become more organized.

In the classroom, I never said,
“The child will learn to count change.”

In special education, we are specific! A written goal sounds like this.
“When given pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters, the student will count change up to one dollar with 100% accuracy!”

NUMBER TWO: Determine your mastery criteria.

Humans make mistakes, so 100% mastery is only sometimes going to happen.

Mastery goal criteria sounds like this.
“With 90% accuracy in three out of four attempts, the child will be able to X.”

For reading, I wrote things like,
“The child will, when given 2nd-grade text, read with 80% accuracy in 4 out of 5 attempts.

Remember you are human!

NUMBER THREE: Time frames!

Set the dates when you’ll reach that goal!
“Between now and September 30, 2023, I’ll create and post four IG posts each week, with 90% accuracy!”

But here’s the kicker, the time frame is your cheerleader, not the party crasher!
If you don’t reach it in time, don’t give up, just keep at it!
If you keep trying, you’ll eventually get there.

I’m not telling you this to make goal setting feel more complicated.

Being precise is the fastest way to reach your goals, boost your confidence, and keep you motivated on what it really is you want to accomplish!

Check your goals… if you even remember them!

This reminds me, I’ve got a NUMBER FOUR.

Write your goals down and look
at them often.
Each week when I was lesson planning for my students, I pulled out their goals to make sure what I planned was focused on their goals.

Did you look at your goals this week before planning out your actions?

Specific, vauge doesn’t make you fail less, it makes you fail ahead of time.
Mastery (decide ahead of time how many times, how often, and with what accuracy you will do each goal.
Time frames, they’re your buddies, not your enemies!
Write and review, if they aren’t reviewed often, most people forget about them.

Now go out there, create, and own your goals like a boss!

You got this!

A Post About My Dad

Twenty-six years ago, my Dad passed away suddenly.

At 48, my mom became a widow with six children, the youngest was 8.

This month my Dad would have been 81 years old. On his birthday, I was a little sad thinking about all he could have taught me if he were still alive.

My Dad was a businessman that people looked up to.
  • He was honest, hard-working, wise, gentle, and had a trusting smile.
  • He gave me my first “real” job at 14, working in a medical office.
  • He owned his own company as a builder and land developer.
  • He built custom homes and hotels, but on the side, he invested in many different businesses throughout my childhood.

When I was nine, he bought me my first pair of work gloves (they were pink and had flowers), and on Saturdays, he took me and my sister to his construction sites to clean up the wood piles and roof tiles. We got paid in big gulps back then. Looking back, I really got paid by learning the value of working hard (by us) and working smarter (by him).

There are so many things about being an entrepreneur that I wish I could ask him. I sometimes feel sad that this amazing example in my life had created multiple successful businesses, and he’s no longer here to tell me how he did it.

It being his 81st birthday this month, I reflected on what I learned from him about business in the short 18 years I had the opportunity to be influenced by him.
  • Work hard⁠
  • Rest⁠
  • Take risks and trust your gut⁠
  • Be creative and keep an open mind⁠
  • Honestly is the best policy⁠
  • Organization looks different for everyone, do what works for you⁠
  • Say please and thank you, and put people first.⁠
  • Do what you can do yourself until it keeps you from doing what you do best

Those are things courses, and books, have a hard time teaching because they are best taught by observing others lead in that way and then emulating the parts that resonate with you.  

Find yourself a business mentor, friend, coach, someone who grows their business in a way that highlights the values you desire and, through their observable actions, runs a balanced business without sacrificing the things they value most.

As I created the list of what my Dad taught me, a subtle thought came to mind  

“It’s easy to recognize those things in him because those things are important to you too.”

Decide what’s important to you to DO and BE as you create your business, and focus on those things until your actions speak to others what’s most important to you.

Surround yourself with people who care about what you care about to help you spend your time in ways that are most important to you!

In 4 Years of Competitive Training, I Didn’t Hear This Once!

I grew up playing various sports, volleyball, and softball being my favorite.

When I entered high school, I made a name for myself at third base because I had a strong arm that could rocket the ball accurately to first, and I thrived on fast, quick, short hops and grounders that often seemed to appear in my glove magically.

It was so fun!

Every day I went to practice I heard, “Porter, get on third.”

You know what I NEVER HEARD?

I never heard, “Porter, go out to center field and take some pop flies.”
WHY?

Because my specific skills made me succeed as a third baseman.

I didn’t need to be great (or even good) at any other position to succeed as a softball player and receive a college scholarship.

I just need to be good at doing the things I was good at. The things third-base women needed to be good at.

The colleges didn’t ask if I could catch a pop fly (I’m terrified of them to be honest). I’d rather have a ball come flying towards me at warp speed than wait, and wait for a pop fly.

And they didn’t ask because it didn’t matter!

They needed someone who could accurately scoop up grounders, short hops, and bunts and get the person running to first out!

Because my stories always relate to business and motherhood, here’s the “catch!” (See what I did there!)

Decide what skills you’re great at, what skills you enjoy doing, what skills sound fun to learn, and DO MORE OF THOSE!

FOCUS ON GETTING REALLY GOOD AT THOSE SKILLS!

I’m not crafty, and I don’t really enjoy them, so my kids didn’t craft (with me). I did, HOWEVER, give them opportunities to hone their crafy skills through other friends, and family members, I put them in classes, etc., and now my 20-year-old has a VERY successful wedding cake business.

I never said, Porter, well, I was Payne by then, I never said “Payne get out your crafts and work on them till you like them more, till you’re better at them.

So the next time you think,
“I ought to be better at (fill in the blank).”
I should spend more time on this “weakness” or “thing that I don’t like doing”….
Everyone is so much better at X than I am”

Remember, in business and motherhood, you have strengths, talents, and things you enjoy.
Practice those things so that you can be the best darn version of YOU!

Let the other entrepreneurs (and moms) do their thing, you do yours, and together you will impact the world with greater success by focusing on your strengths!

Needs More of This

I just got off a coaching call with a client who is decently happy in her business right now.

BUT

The one thing holding her back from being mostly happy is the one thing that her business needs more of.

Her business needs more of HER!

It needs less of what “they say” you’re “supposed to do.”

It needs less of her judging what she is or isn’t doing.

It needs less scheduling of the things she HATES to do!

It needs more of her showing up in her strengths and doing more of what she loves so that she’s loving the way she’s showing up to help others!

If you’re not loving your business (or motherhood) right now, ask yourself these questions:

  • What are you doing in your business/motherhood that you don’t love but think you MUST DO to have a successful business/motherhood?
  • What is working for you right now in your business/motherhood? How can you do more of those things?
  • What are things that aren’t working in your business/motherhood? Why are you still doing them?
  • What are things you want to stop doing? Why aren’t you willing/brave enough to stop doing them?

If you’re not loving the results you’re getting, stop and ask yourself if your business (and motherhood) are getting the FULL, REAL YOU!

The you that creates results in ways that use her strengths, talents, wants, and in a way that she loves!

If not, stop and ask how more of YOU can show up in your business!

The Sugar Experience: Priorities

I just wrapped up my 35 Hard FOR YOU challenge last week and I learned a lot! I know the 65 participants did too!

Here’s what I told the 35 Hard FOR YOU group:

  • If you wanted to start but didn’t or thought you’d be way more successful than you were (this goes for your business too)
  • If you noticed that you’re unsure why you set the goals you did, didn’t really like your goals, or make progress towards them (this applies to your business and personal goals)
  • If you wanted to complete the goals/challenge but didn’t feel like you had enough time (does that sound familiar)

DOING PRIORITY WORK SOLVES THESE ISSUES! Because I KNOW PRIORITY WORK IS SO VALUABLE

I’ve got an offer for you that doesn’t happen every day!

I shared this offer with my 35 Hard FOR YOU group first and it was so well received I knew I had to share it with my email list too!!

Here are the details!

FOUR INTENSIVE PRIORITY WORK coaching sessions where we dive into what you WANT (not what you think you “should” want) but what you actually want and WHY (those are the most significant pieces) to have enough time and proper mindset to create the results you want!

I have developed a program that makes your WHY impeccably evident, full of truth, firm, and unwavering so that you stay committed to EVERY role/goal you want to excel.

THIS PRIORITY INTENSIVE IS

  • FOUR, 50-minute sessions where we dive DEEP into your priorities

  • 24/7 access to me for that time through Voxer or Marco Polo

  • Your sessions will be working sessions, (there are worksheets we cover together). During your session, I will ask lots of questions, you will discover new answers, there will be teaching and instruction, and together we’ll uncover your deepest-seeded values inside your priorities.

DURING OUR TIME TOGETHER, YOU WILL GET

  • A clear understanding of what’s truly important to you and why

  • Find your purpose and understand your wants

  • The exact actions steps (for you) to take so that you can be more successful in the areas of life that you value (business, motherhood, goals, home, life balance, etc)

  • Your time back, the time you were wasting “doing all the things” that you thought you had to do because you weren’t clear on your priorities.

Do This to Keep You Motivated Towards Your Goal

When I taught special education, the IEP team would come up with a set of criteria to be able to consider the goal mastered.

That criteria usually sounded like this.

“Between now and July 30th, Ceri will, when given a change of pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters be able to count the change correctly up to one dollar with 90% accuracy in three out of four attempts.”

If you’re having a hard time staying motivated toward a goal, there’s a good chance I know what you’re NOT DOING!

Keep reading, this is IMPORTANT!!

Let’s break down what I’ve learned about goal setting from my time as a special education teacher to understand what you’re NOT DOING!

  • Make the criteria very specific. I didn’t just say count change. I said, “When given a change of pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters… count the change correctly up to one dollar.” Sometimes the goal would be set to count only pennies and nickels and up to 50 cents. Even the goal of learning to count change needs to be specific to know what has been mastered and when.
  • Determine ahead of time what mastery will be. Because we are human, there are going to be mistakes, That’s why I wrote goals that said, “with 90% accuracy in three out of four attempts.” With money, I often set the criteria for 100% accuracy in 3 out of 4 attempts, but things like answering reading comprehension questions might have been 80% accuracy in 4 out of 4 attempts. This means the criteria for mastering reading comprehension at a specific grade level is consistently scoring 80% over time (4 out of 4 attempts).
  • Set the time frame for what you will learn (do) and when you will learn (do) it. “Between now and July 30th” Ceri will…”

And here’s the TRICK to the time frame.

Let the time frame be your guide, be your motivator, something to help you know if you’re making progress, not the final word or deflator.

If a child had not mastered the goal by the time set, we didn’t give up on or abandon the goal. We kept working until we mastered it. If a child hasn’t mastered the goal in a certain time frame, they still make progress. The child had learned things to help them, and if they keep working at it, eventually they become the master.

Let the time frame keep you focused, but stay focused on the PROGRESS, not the time frame!

I don’t teach you this to make goal setting feel EVEN MORE complicated.

I actually tell you this to help you feel more CONFIDENT and motivated in your goals.

It’s so helpful to know exactly what you need to do and how often, in what amount of time, and with what accuracy to master a goal.

We’d master and stay motivated to a whole lot more goals if we took the time to make them very specific and create room for being human.

What if your goals sounded more like this?

Between now and August 30, 2023, I will post 3 out of 7 days on Instagram with 90% accuracy.

That means you shoot to post 3 times each week and over the time set (between now and August 30th,) you have 10% wiggle room for your humanness.

Between now and Aug 30, 2023, when given a consultation, I will close 2 out of 4 calls with 100% accuracy.

I know you’re goals might not sound like this personally but take a look at them and ask…

  • Is the criteria of what you will do very specific? Not just close “more” consults or post “more” on social media.
  • Have you determined what you will consider mastery? 100%, 80% 3 out of 4 times… it’s up to know, but now ahead of time.
  • Have you set a time frame for when you will reach this goal and allow that time frame to help you stay on track towards your learning/progress, rather than defeat you?