Just last week, I planned a party for the women in my church.
I got all the volunteers on board, scheduled the church, spent a few hours on the web collecting great ideas for a leap year party, created the perfect menu with frog-themed dessert, and even arranged for excellent entertainment.
It was going to be epic!
I secured a comedy group to come entertain us while we laugh hysterically, eating a delicious dinner, sitting by our husbands, without any kids around!
As I was going down the road in this party planning adventure, in the very middle of my excitement, I stopped to question why I was doing it, why I said yes to this party?
When I couldn’t come up with a great reason, when I stopped to reflect on what it would mean for my family, my business, my other service obligations, and my mental energy, I decided to say NO to planning the party.
I canceled the party.
I told all the ladies that were on board to help that it wasn’t happening.
I canceled the comedy group.
I threw away the paper that had all the ideas on it for this fantastic party.
I gave back the scheduled church building.
I told my daughter she was no longer needed to help pull off the frog-themed dessert.
I feel so much better about saying no, and none of the women that agreed to help were mad or disappointed with me.
In fact, they were elated!
My no brought them so much relief.
They had a mini dance party to celebrate!
By saying yes, they were already feeling way too overbooked.
Although the party was over a month away, they were dreading the next month of planning.
It wasn’t until I said no that they told me they were a NO too!
Why didn’t they just tell me no?
Why don’t you say no when you REALLY want to say no?
Are you afraid they will judge you and think that you’re really lame or lazy?
Are you trying to fit in, trying to appear that you’re willing to do it all?
Do you feel too guilty if you say no?
Are you nervous they will never ask you again?
Are you scared they will talk about you and tell everyone that you weren’t willing?
Do you care more about what THEY think about you then what YOU think about you?
The reason why we DON’T say no, is to avoid feeling a certain way.
What feeling are you trying to avoid when you say yes, but really want to say no?
Here’s the crazy part.
You say yes (even though you don’t want to do the thing) to avoid feeling ____________ you fill in the blank.
But then you say yes, spend SO many hours wishing you hadn’t, and then you feel _____________, again, fill in the blank.
Here’s the thing, either way, the yes or the no is going to make you feel a certain way, and most likely, you don’t want to feel that way.
If you have to feel a feeling that’s not going to be your favorite either way, then you might as well say no when you mean no, and decide to feel ok about it.
My no last week honestly felt terrific!
It wasn’t always this way for me.
I had to learn to say no.
I had to learn to stop caring about what other people thought about me or about my no.
I had to learn to honor my priorities.
I had to learn to commit to what I think is most important.
I had to learn that not everything is a yes.
Not everything is important.
It’s not too late.
Did you know you can change your mind and say no, even after you said yes?
What’s something you said yes to recently that you wish you would have said no? Hit reply back and let me know.
Want help saying no when you mean no?
It’s the BEST feeling to honor yourself, your time, your goals, and your desires.
Click here to schedule a free session with me. I’ll get you saying exactly what you mean to say, without all the shame and guilt you currently think a no will bring.