I’m guilty too of living in ⁣⁠
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“𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦….” ⁣⁠
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Unfortunately, regret doesn’t change the past. In fact, it might even make it worse with the things you’re thinking about it. ⁣⁠
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If something in your life, motherhood, or business didn’t go as planned, 𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 instead of wishing it went differently! ⁣⁠
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We have so much to learn from the past if we are willing to accept that we can’t change it, but we 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐢𝐭. ⁣⁠
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And we can change what we learn from it. ⁣⁠
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Think about that thing you wish had gone differently. ⁣⁠
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Learn from it by asking yourself questions such as ⁣⁠
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𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺? ⁣⁠
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𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺/𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴/𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯? ⁣⁠
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𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦? ⁣⁠
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𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧? ⁣⁠
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𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. ⁣⁠
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Instead of wishing it were different, 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞. ⁣⁠
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Desire deeper connections? Check out this list of 5 ways you can increase your listening to foster deeper connections. ⁠⁠

1. Repeat their words back

Child: Mom, I am so sad, something bad happened today. 

Mom: You’re sad because something bad happened today. Do you want to talk about it? 

2. Paraphrase what you heard
Paraphrase with feeling words 

Even if you say a feeling word they may not identify with, they can correct you. Saying what you “think” they feel and them correcting you, helps them know/identify what they are actually feeling.

This builds connection.

3. Reflect what you heard—inflate the feelings words
The more feelings you add to the narrative you reflect back, the more they feel heard, validated, and understood. It produces an understanding that builds safety into the conversation. 

Actual script from my conversation with my daughter
“It sounds like you enjoyed your time at tennis and that you felt proud of your serve and confident playing with the older girls.”

4. Understand and Lead 
Help them come up with their own solution through open-ended questions (not telling them what to do)

Sounds like you are (feeling word) because (point out the problem, what they are unable to do, want to have done differently, etc), and if feels _____ because (point out the obstacle they mentioned). 

Ask leading open-ended questions such as…

If you had more time, what would you consider doing?

If you were able to talk to your teacher, what would you say?

If you could change this situation, what would you feel comfortable doing?

If you knew you would get solved eventually, what do you think you could do/try?

5. Ask permission 
Understand the role they want you to fill

Ask if they want your:

• help
• advice
• or if they just want you to listen.

Before giving any advice, ask if they would be open to a solution or if they want to hear what you think might help.

The beauty, this isn’t just for your business or motherhood—it works in all areas of your life. ⁠⁠