5 Ways to Listen and Respond for Deeper Connection

Desire deeper connections? Check out this list of 5 ways you can increase your listening to foster deeper connections. ⁠⁠

1. Repeat their words back

Child: Mom, I am so sad, something bad happened today. 

Mom: You’re sad because something bad happened today. Do you want to talk about it? 

2. Paraphrase what you heard
Paraphrase with feeling words 

Even if you say a feeling word they may not identify with, they can correct you. Saying what you “think” they feel and them correcting you, helps them know/identify what they are actually feeling.

This builds connection.

3. Reflect what you heard—inflate the feelings words
The more feelings you add to the narrative you reflect back, the more they feel heard, validated, and understood. It produces an understanding that builds safety into the conversation. 

Actual script from my conversation with my daughter
“It sounds like you enjoyed your time at tennis and that you felt proud of your serve and confident playing with the older girls.”

4. Understand and Lead 
Help them come up with their own solution through open-ended questions (not telling them what to do)

Sounds like you are (feeling word) because (point out the problem, what they are unable to do, want to have done differently, etc), and if feels _____ because (point out the obstacle they mentioned). 

Ask leading open-ended questions such as…


If you had more time, what would you consider doing?

If you were able to talk to your teacher, what would you say?

If you could change this situation, what would you feel comfortable doing?

If you knew you would get solved eventually, what do you think you could do/try?

5. Ask permission 
Understand the role they want you to fill

Ask if they want your:

• help
• advice
• or if they just want you to listen.

Before giving any advice, ask if they would be open to a solution or if they want to hear what you think might help.

The beauty, this isn’t just for your business or motherhood—it works in all areas of your life. ⁠⁠


 

Define Your Role

Meet our aunt Jeanne. ⁠⁣⁠
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When the girls were younger, she would watch my children when my husband and I went on overnight trips.⁠⁣⁠
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When I was working as a teacher, she would pick up my sick children from school, check on them during the day and bring them soup. ⁠⁣⁠
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She planned the most incredible bridal shower and attended Camryn’s small wedding ceremony. ⁠⁣⁠
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She watches our cat and my daughter’s guinea pig when we go on vacation.⁠⁣⁠
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She cuts down our overgrown bushes and takes me for soda and pedicures. ⁠⁣⁠
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She brings us back souvenirs from her world travels. ⁠⁣⁠
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She invites us over for dinner, delivers presents during the holidays, and even tells the girls to behave and use their manners. ⁠⁣⁠
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Typical, right? That’s just what aunts do! ⁠⁣⁠
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The thing is, 𝘴𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 “𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺” 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵. ⁠⁣⁠
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We met her about 7 years ago and 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 she was going to be the girl’s aunt. ⁠⁣⁠
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She tells everyone she’s their aunt and we of course do the same, 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. ⁠⁣⁠
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At this point, it’s 100% the truth! ⁠⁣⁠
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If there’s something you want to be, 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 so! ⁠⁣⁠
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The good, joy, and love it will bring to you and others you impact in your role can’t be measured! ⁠⁣⁠

Finding Your Strength

It was super embarrassing, felt very unkind, and bothered me when my mom told her friends these two things! ⁠

“Annie would make friends with a lamppost, and Ceri would question it.”⁠

“Ceri won’t ever just get in the car. She has to ask, where are we going, why are we going, when will we be back?”⁠

EVEN THOUGH I didn’t get how the adults around me didn’t realize my questions were me trying to understand, I still thought I was doing something wrong. I thought this must make me obnoxious, annoying, challenging, and a HUGE problem child! ⁠

However, my desire to question things, learn and understand the purpose behind actions and intentions has gotten me where I am today. ⁠

Questions help uncover my desires, knowledge, actual wants, refine my processes, beliefs, and understanding.

My questions help me make quick, decisive decisions full of clarity and excitement. ⁠

I still ask a lot of GOOD questions… But now it’s my career, and my clients benefit from my quick, always thinking, constantly planning, very curious mind. ⁠

My questions can help you get clarity, save time and money while developing the action plan to get the results you desire in your home and business! ⁠

Do you have a “perceived” weakness that has become a significant strength? ⁠


I’ve Got Some Secrets For You

Growing your business should be FUN and EASY!  Check out these simple ways I grew my business to 100k!

1. Keep It Simple

Decide what you like doing in your business and what’s getting you the results you desire and do more of those things.

You don’t need to have all the offers. Decide what people want that you’re good at, and make that offer (solution to their problem) your simple business plan


2. Keep It Fun

If you’re not having FUN in your business you’ll get burnt out before you reach your goal!

Business building, just like anything else is 50/50. Create a business model that you will enjoy long-term. If you don’t like doing it, ask yourself how else you could reach the result in a way you would enjoy?

Let your heart lead.


3. Keep It Intentional

Know what results you desire and what results you are getting from your actions.

Notice what you’re doing that is not getting you results and STOP wasting time doing those things. Be aware of your limiting beliefs.

Think thoughts of possibility. Believe in your abilities. Grow your confidence. Use motivating ‘I am’ statements.


4. Keep Your Goals In Mind

Set goals and evaluate your progress towards your goals at least monthly. Know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Define 3-4 simple action steps that you will do daily/weekly to help you reach your goal. Calendar/schedule those action steps.

Network, find a mentor, or hire a coach. Have someone in your corner for when you get stuck. Believe that you will be successful!


What Strings Are Attached

When my kids were young, and I exclusively stayed home with them, they opened presents and ate pink pancakes for breakfast on Valentine’s Day, enjoyed a fancy dinner that evening, and the secret Valentine man always delivered dessert.  

On St. Patrick’s day, they woke up to gold candy all over the kitchen, they were treated to Lucky Charms, and for dinner, had green chicken alfredo with homemade Irish soda bread.  

None of that was required to be a good mom.  

They were strings that I attached to being a mom.  

One holiday season, when I was teaching school full-time and working in my coaching business, the pancakes, presents, gold candy, fancy dinners, all stopped.  

Not intentionally, so at first, I felt horrible for not living up to the “mom that I created”.  

But you know what?  

Not a single girl said a word about the missing pancakes, fancy dinner, or green food.  

I thought those actions and hard work made a BIG impact on their experience, but I realized I was wrong when they didn’t miss them.  

I took inventory and cut some of those strings using up time, money, and mental energy, and not giving me the results or desired benefits.

I cut strings that didn’t align with the MOM AND BUSINESS OWNER that I wanted to be.

I cut the ones that started with 

“I should” “I need” “but good moms”…

I don’t regret the days of “FUN” celebrations!  And at the time, when my kids were little, I loved doing those things for them (or so I thought).  

But since cutting the strings, I intentionally added back in those that I wanted for each holiday.

I love my motherhood so much more, and we all enjoy the holidays even more because each thing we do is intentional and serves the desired purpose.

The Overscheduled Mom

Let me tell you about someone that you may have met before!  

Once upon a time, there was a mom that got caught in the trap of over-scheduling. ⁠

She thought she was too busy, and that she didn’t have enough time for everything, so she tried to make up for her lack of time by scheduling in ALL THE THINGS. ⁠

When she looked at her schedule, the one with ALL THE THINGS on it, she would often feel defeated, feel behind even before she started, and as a result, she didn’t love her schedule, and she didn’t do ALL THE THINGS. ⁠

Because she didn’t get ALL THE THINGS completed, she beat herself up, thinking she is lazy, incapable, too busy, and exhausted.  ⁠

She decided to move the things she didn’t do to the next day, a day that was already over-scheduled. ⁠

When that next day went the same way the other previous 29 days had gone, she gave up and stopped scheduling her day, because after all, ⁠

“what’s the point, it never gets done anyway?”    ⁠

Does this mom sound like you? ⁠

How can she stop this vicious cycle?  ⁠

By understanding her priorities and SCHEDULING IN WHITE SPACE!  ⁠

I preach you don’t have to have every single hour of every day scheduled with to-do’s.   ⁠

I teach the unplanned hour and plan B. ⁠

They are GAME CHANGERS!!  

If you want to get more done, while actually doing less and feeling accomplished, you have to know your priorities!  ⁠

Schedule The Feeling

Are you ready for summer? 

The day before my daughter’s wedding, a client contacted me with a scheduling question. ⁣ ⁣ She had a lot going on! ⁣ ⁣ Some timing of her tasks were not in her control. Some time constraints would be placed on her last minute by her part-time job, and some of the things to be scheduled were items she wanted to get done but didn’t have a specific time frame for when they were due. ⁣ 

She asked, “how do I schedule my day with all these unknowns?”

Executing the wedding schedule had me in the middle of these same kinds of unknowns & time constraints that depended on other people. ⁣ 

When life feels like you can’t schedule much, (hello summer and kids home) 𝐈 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞. ⁣ ⁣ 

Although I knew I had x amount of things to accomplish before my daughter’s wedding the next day, I couldn’t schedule when they would be completed due to the variety of tasks and other people’s schedules. ⁣ ⁣ 

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝗪 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲. ⁣ ⁣ 

I wanted to feel available, kind, and flexible. ⁣ ⁣ 

I wanted to feel like I had enough energy and patience to get it all done happily. ⁣ ⁣ 

Knowing how I wanted to feel helped me get everything accomplished in a way that felt good.

I was able to happily accommodate other’s schedules because I decided beforehand I wanted to 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞. ⁣ ⁣ 

When the table delivery service was 2 hours late, because I scheduled being flexible and kind, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠. ⁣ ⁣ 

When my daughter’s top tear of her cake wasn’t working out, I went home at 9 pm and baked another top tier because 𝐈 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐲. ⁣ ⁣ 

When life feels out of control, with too many unknowns or unpredictability, I encourage you to 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥. 

The feelings might be the only thing you can fully control some days. 


 

What You Think About You

If you want people to 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮, you have to be the first person to 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮.⁣⁠ ⁣⁠ 

I encourage you to take a minute to write down all the things you think about yourself.⁣⁠ ⁣⁠ 

𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭? ⁣⁠ ⁣⁠ 

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴, life, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥?⁣⁠

For the better?

For the worse? 

Come on over to IG @ceripaynecoaching and let me know what’s on your list!

I’ll go first! 

I think I’m pretty funny! 

It doesn’t come out very often, (I actually call my funny self “slumber party Ceri”) but when I’m on a roll, it just doesn’t stop… especially the later it gets! Come hang out with me at a retreat if you want to hang out with “slumber party Ceri.” She’s really sarcastic and funny!

What I Hope She Learned

My oldest got married last week. 

Many things went through my head about what I hope I taught her in her short 18 years! 

I pondered, have I modeled to her that 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 and her ability to 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 she can change her world, the 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫, and the entire world at large with her impact and example. 

𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 though

It’s about the impact that women can make in this world!⁣⁣ ⁣

⁣My favorite thing in this entire world is to 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 to do the things they were born to do.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣To help them create a path to their possibilities!

I love helping them believe in themselves and their dreams!  

That’s what truly changes the world!! 

Making money is the cherry on top!

What confident people know

Hey you!

Confident people know they aren’t perfect.⁣⁠ ⁣⁠ 

Confident people know that making mistakes is part of the process.⁣⁠ ⁣⁠ 

Confident people know that people judge and criticize. ⁣⁠ ⁣⁠ 

Confident people know those things and 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲! ⁣⁠ ⁣⁠ 

Today, on instagram, I shared of time when I let my ego in the way, and as a result, I lost confidence in my great strength!  

I was in a brainstorming meeting with three other women planning out a children’s primary party when someone said to me, 

“Would you please stop talking, you’re making my head hurt!” 

I suddenly became very embarrassed and started judging myself for talking too much and too fast. 

I was mortified with shame and just sat there the rest of the meeting.

As I’ve been helping women generate ideas, goals, and changes in their businesses and motherhood, I remember my super power!  

I’m an excellent idea creator! 

My brain is always thinking! 

Excellent ideas come faster than I can write.

I’ve helped women plan out their successful masterminds with locations, marketing, themes, and speakers ideas that light them up and bring success!

I’ve gotten creative with clients about when and how to hire a VA. What tasks would be best to offload, how to communicate with the VA, and what systems to set up for success. We’ve creatively come up with how to get the most out of a VA for THEM!

I’ve brainstormed with my clients negotiating ideas, emails, and contract options, asking for more money from affiliate sponsors. Everyone has come back with a yes and MORE MONEY! 

If you want a taste of my creative superpower to help you grow your business and motherhood,

click here to sign up for a free session with me.